Today my friend Ayu said I'm selfish.It wasn't a harmful scolding but as usual i react very much to criticisms,as if my whole life depended on getting ppl to like me.No matter how much I tell myself not to bother I still am the same.It makes me think.Yes I admit I am selfish.I told her I do treat people well if they treat me well.Isn't that the way things are?Maybe sometimes it takes a lot out of me to admit how important those people are to me.Those I call friends.Once they become too close to u your emotions become bound to theirs.You'll feel sad if they leave u,betray u...My emotions are hard to let go.My mind can't even let go of my ex for like so long.I mean if everyone are strangers to me I don't have to bother about such things.Maybe I'm just scared.

I forgot since when I came to believe that humans are so dark inside they only need u to do things for them.So they be nice to u and hope to get something in return.I have a friend who's like that.I don't want friends to come and go.I don't wanna waste my time on people who value u like nothing when u treat them like gods.And so...I defend myself.

I do like click with younger people though.Maybe I'm quite immature sometimes but I think they're so unpolluted and bring positive thoughts into my darkness.Thanks to all of u who have been there.I will try not to care just about myself and be a selfish idiot.I just need to admit and recognise the importance of friends and family,and my life eventually...

Everyone has to find meaning in life so they will have the will to live.But I have yet to find mine..

Current mood:Scar

It's been sooo long since i last blogged.Now I almost have to start everypost with this sentence.What pain it is i'm experiencing.If you do not know love and friendship u would not know pain..Lost in the middle like i'm waiting for death. Now I'm working at robinsons raffles city as a fragrance associate. 6 months now.very commission based.Lots of problems lately in my relationships.Someone's good intentions turned out fatal.Who am i to blame then?things happen too fast and i have to make the decision fast.I decided to give up.We all escape at times don't we?Some things are just so hard to say.Love,hate and lots of things just can't be said out.Do you tell people..I need u by my side now?or I think I don't know if I love u anymore.. What's more I dunno what the hell I'm thinking.

Current mood:No way to say

Strange that things happen and happened in this world.Flowers grow and shine,next fade and wither.Sometimes it's always good to just let things slip past cos if you held on too tight and they were to dissappear,you'll feel pain isn't it?The year of the dog isn't a good one for us dogs.Who knows I might know where to go from here?To study or to work,to live or to die..."Cos you're here that's why I exist." why? Do we live to find love?Happiness?Or are they just lies to let one live thru the hardships?Thanks to everyone here I know what happiness and love is.One day I'll fade like a light.Dissappear like a dream...I do not wish to be forgotten.Pls promise you'll remember me.It's hard to look at the past as the fun times are hard to retrieve.There're only memories..so strange that living seems so unfamiliar to me and death sounds so far fetched.Where do I belong?

The past glory and fight for power was never about women.It's men.That's why it's called HIStory.

I'll go, because I'm the only person that's here.

When you're not here,I'm really sad.

That's why...always together..let's go together

Shall we head to a world with only the two of us?-translated from jap by Raine

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Strange that I only know of what it means now...I'd have said yes you know?But now we're not together anymore...You're not there anymore.I know,cos I've always been there to look..for traces of you....

Four-Leaf Clover
Don't be so sad
because you have only three leaves.
If you had four, they would've picked you long ago.
Don't be sad because nobody pays attention to you.
My eyes are set on you.
Let me be your missing leaf.
Even if nobody sees it your way.
You're the most beautiful leaf for my eyes.
Your existence is so special to my heart.
Knowing you... I couldn't be luckier.

[Extract from the movie 'My Brother']

Went rish de hse to bai nian on sat.Been rather long..like 2 years since i've been to her hse for cosplay preparations for the cosplay of gravitation.Yeah..and a really perilous walk to her hse indeed..raine a a few of her church mates were there..
Constine's a really great show!though the storyline is kinda simple..the special effects make up for everything.It's a really christian show with the bible and all..But i dun understand what the show's trying to say...I'm gonna watch it again to confirm my thoughts.Yeah keanu was the most shuai in this show haha..so many people's been telling me that..He's not young anymore u know?But he looks real cool in this image..some guy in shirt and tie pointing middle fingers..kewl!!

Suiciders suffer deja vu in hell..that's a buddhist belief too

New year's a time when u go relatives' houses to bai nian,see how they're doing..how much they've changed..and how much older they've got with each oncoming year..sometimes it's kinda sad..things change real fast we hardly catch our breath..

Well guess it's time i put my delaying off and start blogging..Been enjoying since I came back to sg from that trip.Not exactly nostalgic at the moment but I'll be going back to camp tonight.Had mc for today.Initially had to book in ytd night.Hmm..yeah I'll start with the BBQ I had with Eppers aka Europians or Europura family haha.That was one of the most eventful things since the start of the holidays.The memory is still kinda fresh.Like it happened yesterday.Everybody changed.Some in appearances,some in ways I do not know.But when we got together,that feeling will never change..it's like meeting old friends and hanging out for a nice old steamboat bbq buffet.The way we know each other,the jokes,the smily faces..So many digi cameras you've all got there haha..like we can change a para grp into a photography team.It's kinda cool.Ok..need to go down for dinner now..get back to this in a moment=]
Dun really wanna talk about the christian punishment anymore..yeah..rish said it was god's punishment.But maybe I shouldn't be so wrapped up in people's beliefs.
New year's coming.Hope i can have my holiday in peace and not spend them doing guard duties back at camp.^^Take care guys.Now back to camp preparations..

A wolf belongs to his herd