Today my friend Ayu said I'm selfish.It wasn't a harmful scolding but as usual i react very much to criticisms,as if my whole life depended on getting ppl to like me.No matter how much I tell myself not to bother I still am the same.It makes me think.Yes I admit I am selfish.I told her I do treat people well if they treat me well.Isn't that the way things are?Maybe sometimes it takes a lot out of me to admit how important those people are to me.Those I call friends.Once they become too close to u your emotions become bound to theirs.You'll feel sad if they leave u,betray u...My emotions are hard to let go.My mind can't even let go of my ex for like so long.I mean if everyone are strangers to me I don't have to bother about such things.Maybe I'm just scared.
I forgot since when I came to believe that humans are so dark inside they only need u to do things for them.So they be nice to u and hope to get something in return.I have a friend who's like that.I don't want friends to come and go.I don't wanna waste my time on people who value u like nothing when u treat them like gods.And so...I defend myself.
I do like click with younger people though.Maybe I'm quite immature sometimes but I think they're so unpolluted and bring positive thoughts into my darkness.Thanks to all of u who have been there.I will try not to care just about myself and be a selfish idiot.I just need to admit and recognise the importance of friends and family,and my life eventually...
Everyone has to find meaning in life so they will have the will to live.But I have yet to find mine..
Current mood:Scar
