Dunno how exactly to update my blog...long time since I had the mood and time to sit in front of the comp and type.Dear wanted to stay over the weekend at Catherine's hse.Though reluctant dear wanted and assumed I'd stay..and I did...But somehow I dunno what's making me so sick of staying..I dun usually enjoy staying over someone's house..Inconvenient maybe..but I've got stuff like painting my cosplay stuff,watching the vid I got 1 week ago,listen to my favourite songs,update my blog,my email,then shop for my stuff slowly over the weekend,maybe catch a few friends online,and just sleep on my own bed and catch up with family.But I stayed.For dear maybe..thing is dear stayed for sat as well..2 whole nights.I was so busted.Like usual I'm the type who's told what to do.Even if I dun like it.NS is freaking me out.Even though it's like rotting me out by doing nothing useful and we get to have nights out everyday.Nights out are great.Especially when I meet dear.But things are hectic rushing for book in by 11pm,rush shopping,rush eating,rush time together.On days that I go home I'd only have 2 hrs to settle down and do all my stuff..basically no point at all..and once i book out i'd plan what to do over the weekends.And staying over made all the plans in a mess...thinking of all these things that i'll have to rush once i got out of cat's house made me go mad.And things went slow on sunday which i hoped could get back home and settle down early b4 going out for cosplay shopping.how many times have i hit my head with the shower head or against the wall trying to wake up?I never bleed though..no matter how devastated u are you still have an instinct to protect.even if i did bleed the white tiled walls would be nicely stained in red.White and red.looks nice all the time.Tmr have to book in.and i haven't checked my yahoo auctions results.Sunday we left her hse at 2pm...then I was still in a dilema whether to go home or not.I could've jumped straight down her 11 storey high flat and forget everything.So messed up.Love hurts.In love or not it still hurts.Didn't heve enough sleep the past few days,bad stomach lately,and I've grown fatter..maybe I should skip my meals tmr.No time to do exercise too...maybe I'm just plain lazy at home.URGHH I'm going mad..maybe too tired..of life..2 weeks into the new unit and it feels like months.Is ok.I'll live..I dun wanna be declared death cos of the nation.I wun waste my life for singapore.But another self says..my life is mine.they can do what they want with me but i can take that away from them anytime...

"Richard I love you alot leh...how?"I can still remember when dear told me that 3 plus years ago when dear was still my manager for that 2 month period in edo.But all I said was"maybe next lifetime".That time I was still the innocent boy who sticks at home watching tv and dunno what love is.But come to think of it i regretted not doing anything.Dear went thru a lot since then...so much relationships,and those who betrayed and let dear down.That path that dear went thru seems tough and perilous and ended up in nothing.Dear told me about those idiots ytd..then something came to mind...If I had taken some response that 3 plus years ago I'd be dear's first real bf and dear won't have to be thru so much pain and sacrifice.That butterfly effect has to rain down on me in the end...Since when was my day bright and sunny anyway...that's until dear appeared.Until I found love.I won't let go of it...Recently there was some stuff that happened that shook our peaceful relationship.My trust for dear was shaken too...cos of the past...my heart warns me not to let my precautions down...it's really scary once you taste betrayal and hurt...the warning signals just come back...Now i'm still reconstructing the shock and confusion and my uneasiness...scared..Pls give me time to become myself again..That Aradian witch was right..he said my communication problems will be hard sustaining a relationship..but as always,I'm always learning...learning to be more of a human..I love my dear too much...

Haiz...no time to write October to december's story...hope i can do it next week...

A mimosa small and shy,the humans thought it can be pushed around and stepped on...but when they start bleeding they realise that it has thorns too...

Update!!!Me recently clearing up my comp cos of some trojans and viruses making their stay here.Can't go irc in a moment but you guys can find me in msn still.I've been posted to become stall man^^||in fact i'm really glad.Can't imagine me doing those commanding stuff in the infantry.I'll die.Thanks for those who prayed for me including myself haha and thank god,gods and goddesses haha really like dreaming now.

have you ever wondered while u eat something like hokien mee,do you go for the seafood or just the noodles?How many would actually enjoy eating the noodles plain on their own?If you enjoy the noodles then the seafood on your plate will be the delightful compliments to go with it.If you enjoy the cuttlefish and prawns you'll find them scarce on the plate.Would you eat them up first or save the seafood for the last savour?I would eat them in between though...But imagine if you're only served the seafood not the noodles would the plate of hokkien mee be good?To me it wouldn't be the same...maybe is becos I like eating the seafood in the hokkien mee..cos when the quantity is less,you'll tend to enjoy it better than one full plate of seafood.Well,unless it's those you get from seafood restaurants,but that'll be another matter.Can't believe i can tok so much with 1 plate of mee.But the same goes for lots of dishes..i just can't think of a good example

Great I think I'm a psychic vampire..it sucks..erm..yeah..

Btw the movie day after tmr sucks!lousy actors...and the CGs wasn't too impressive

Current mood:never been shallower

Finally end of my basic military training...but i'm not that all happy about passing out..there's just no hapiness there..ok maybe the 1 week holiday i'm not ready for...soon i'll be worrying about my next unit and maybe i'll get lost along the way...
Saw sgt darryl at the exit point of the ferry terminal..was doing guard duty..i walked pass him..wanted to say thanks or something but words just didn't come out.he saw me.but when i walked past he was looking else where..maybe just like me he's out of words.maybe i'm just too quiet being me.maybe it's just sad to say bye and recognise your recruits come and go like that.how many times have they had to face the hurt nobody dares to speak of?sgt Razi said he won't be appearing for our parade.he didn't.maybe he's got something on.maybe he just dun wanna cry.that'll ruin his image.he's afraid he can't control the emotion i guess..remember he once told us during his enlistment he told his parents not to come cos if his mum cried,he would too..in ns,nobody ever mentions...fear and pain..but humans will show it one way or another...gonna miss sgt cai,allen,teo,maybe kewl...and our pc heman too...ha so what...

ok something boring..but i wanna say it out..today went heeren to see j rock cosplay..then saw lizz and gang..parish cosplayed something super nice..her skills are damn good now!then lester looking great as usualmet snow..long time no see..but nvr got a chance to see taku bro at all..haiz...then after that saw jimmy tudi winning the prize for the gaming contest for n gage and he won the new phone!i just turned around when the host announced and saw him..then of course the next thing is to look for racheal standing nearby keke..i wanted to get the phone for 198 bucks if i traded in my game console which i wanted to..my game boy colour...end state i no money.wanted to borrow from mum but she say dun waste money..so wasted and sad..never been so devastated cos of a phone....my 3530 is spoiling le...then it's so lousy to use i'd rather use that 3310 i lent to dad!haiz...depressed..why does it have to hang on me forever..urgh...and thing is it ends today!!!no more offers for such a great deal!i hate my gb colour too btw...

Baby pooh is so cute..lots of different sizes and colours..and so squishy...the pink,the white,the brown,the original...wa cannot tahan have to buy them all some day!!haha sbs i'm becoming a kid

September was staring at her nail art on her nails.She was dressed in a long black dress and had a thin frame.Her hair was long and black too...something every girl would be proud of.she switched on her radio and listen to her favourite rock station.sometimes she would wonder what death really is.She's rather curious and sometimes would dash across a road junction just to feel the thrill of it.november told her it's a separation of your physical self from your sub concious soul.So when u die you may not think as clearly as usual,a bit muddle headed.September wanted to feel what it's like.Though she knows she can never come back she just wants to try it everything it comes to her mind.Blood is just a proof of your life and so is physical pain.That strange red liquid actually flows in our bodies.The nerve cells look like tiny spider webs in our bodies.Basically humans are just flesh blood and bones.Death isn't at all scary.She'll just have to prove it to her friends...

Tarot cards have black magic.yes it comes from the mouths of knowledgeable christians.but what about those of knowledgeable pagans?It's so hard to talk over such a topic especially u have 2 devotees trying to prove their point of views.whatever your religion is,i believe most probably it wants u to be doing things for the greater good and not harmful stuff.My world is filled with witches warlocks,faeries gnomes,elves and pixies,demons and vampires.hard to communicate with someone that close to me..scared one day we might end up quarrelling and i hope not.

The samurai said,the sword which took their lives reflect their souls if you look close enough.The screams,their eyes so full of anger and grief,their faces of sorrows.and they speak of revenge

current mood:dis-ease virus