This time..Somehow I'm not alone anymore..someone standing beside me giving me guidance.Was it morrigan?I'm grateful.Now there's another task I'll have to accomplish..my SIT test for the next 3 days in outfield again.Please be with me...
I drew the 2 of cups card..this time,I'm not ready..whatever that person's like..I'm equipped with a shield..and on it inscribed "anti-love".maybe one day I'll drop it..maybe I won;t.

Dun bother what I'm talking about..had 3 hrs of sleep ytd..just talking things str8 from my mind.take care guys!!booking in in 2hrs

Back from field camp...dun wanna talk much about it..can't shower there,except for one lucky day we got one.But everything was in a mess.Monday I'll have to endure another 3 days of jungle outfield..you all better thank me mosquitoes!
Watched Kill Bill marathon at PS yesterday.Feeling was great.It's been so long since I watched a movie alone..some more it's my first marathon.The shows Kill Bill 1 and 2 were super!!It's a shame viewers under 18/21 can't get to watch.I waited 1/2 year for this Vol.1 to be up again cos I was underage the last time it came up.My hats off to the director.It's MY KIND of show!!Not only the blood spills that is.Chiaki was in the movie as Go go Yubari!!She's my idol from battle royale!so cute in school u.

Slept for only 3 hrs and I can't feel sleepy.Not much time to enjoy in civillian life anyway.There's a part of myselves that can't be bothered to say how I feel in ns now..it's kinda numb,yet slow,yet fast,yet memorable....but I'm tired.
Strange..even though I can;t open my 3rd eye I can sense them so clearly when I'm drowsy.yesterday's walk back from the bus stop was full of energy and movementsthose things you call spirits felt so in existence.Who knows?maybe I'm getting mad.

There're only 2 things in this world.Things that bleed and things that cause it.

Females are such miserable things.Actress,monitress,stewardess,seamstress....everything they do,they'll always be l"ess" than the average man.

And then.....the victims who were used to the torture had to in turn take in the next batch of victims and train them to be specialists..

Current mood:Hawaiian Zombie

Do you guys know why I blog?No?I was thinking you might know...

Everything's beginning to feel like battle royale...going field camp next week..can't book out next weekend..."there're so many things we haven't experienced and done..what are we doing here preparing for war?"I'll be old when I get out..some things lost,will never be found.But I'll always be searching..Dunno why it's 1 week and I can blog an amount that can last for a month...nobody reads my blog anymore...or maybe they've run out of words..
Anyway there's a pic link down there you all can have a look...so far only finished most of what I took of myself..I'll share some more memorial pics once I get out of the field camp..I'll be queueing for Cyndi's autograph next next week on sat when she comes..anyone wanna join?Richie ganbarimasu!Totemo kakkoi!!I'm lying again.to one of ourselves..maybe I should use "myselves".yeah

I am 45% evil.




I could go either way. I have sinned quite a bit but I still have a bit of room for error. My life is a tug of war between good and evil.


Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com

Finally here comes the part where I dun even have to mood to meet my friends...or was it courage?Went jurong east Edo sushi to look for my manager greg..but somehow I end up NOT going in to say hi...wasted trip to JEC...then Rish and Selphie wanna go PS look for lester...somehow i turned them down after showing enthusiasm to meet earlier...I DID go ps..but never try hard enough to find lester's shop and I just went my own way after I can't find ayumi's dvd collection...great..took bus 7 and saw Yixing my buddy going up the 2nd deck...I didn't even say hi!!!!!A part of ourselves is like that...but now more of ourselves are closing in..I spent the whole day alone...except for meeting snow and bro at JE mrt cos they happened to be there..I'm getting strangely weird...we can't even recognise myself now.My mind hurts all the time...so much so that the physical pain is nothing...

Went for a visit at the Officer cadet school this morning.I dreamt of that place..I'm a bit scared...the flight of stairs,the displays in the discovery centre,they're all so vivid...and i've nvr been there b4...now all my dreams are appearing in reality..all relating to ns...I think it's some sort of sign something's gonna happen..hope I get my answer fast.

The Ex colonel tour guide said something and it's like we ns men are just unnatural resources the government uses to control and ensure stability in foreign investments.If the country's not stable,no one will invest...so we have to be manipulated and follow the law...Everyone wishes for world peace,yet you hide guns...one day someone is bound to break the system and set ammunition to work..

People find hamster cages and their tunnels so interesting huh?how come they have to make similar plastic tunnels on children's playgrounds there...err..hamsters enjoy so will kids?

Current mood:mentally unstable

When ayumi sang the song "ourselves",I realised her views of the self blends with mine.A person have many different selves.I see myself as one person different from what all of you may see me as.There's a lot of ourselves now...our existence in every of your minds is different.There's a quiet self most of the time.The disciplined self,the noisy,crazy,mysterious,lazy,and a lot more others.Together all of us form myself.There's a side of me not everyone sees.A different self exists in each of you.Only I know most of us...but not totally..like what Paine said,The most difficult person to understand is yourself.

Finally felt useless and lousy..let so many of my friends down cos I dun have the time for them..I've got enough stuff to organise myself..I need rest too.Didn't make it to Lester and Selph's cosplay event,didn't call Henry to talk about his problems,didn't care where my other friends are or whether they wanna meet up..didn't know till i realise it's disgusting dumping a heap of dirty clothes for mum to wash everytime I book out.
Though I've learnt lots of things in the army,what they've given,they take back someting in return.My time with friends,social life,my urge of trying to save money,and my attitude towards life...
Am I too naive at this age?Sir Odin..I'd like to go thru your path of knowledge..I'd like to see the world tree some day.

Quote of the day:today is the day we play and squeeze out the insides of cute little bunnies

Dun think I'll be putting such words on my blog but here're some NS words and their definitions
fuck u:(ok it's obvious)
big fuck:someone with a high rank
get fucked:get punished
fuck off:scram
fucking standard:lousy standard
fucking understand:(come to think of it i never really understood)
fucking idea:wrong idea
fucking big:very big
fuck around:mess around
fucked up:messed up
what the fuck:what's going on?
fucker:asshole
fuck shit:i dunno how to explain
sick fuck:pervert
fucking cheebye:(the phrase that everyone uses)

thanks to alley for the last 5 of the vocabulary^^

Beauty is only skin deep they say..too bad they never include the insides.

here's what's been running in my mind:sweat,bleed,fatigue,death,rain,darkness,explosion,split,splash and overflow.

current mood:victims of the law

Some instructors use this slogan:"Tough times dun last,Tough men do."They really admit it's tough in ns huh?How can men ever win time?It's eternal.So what if you're tough?Time always have the last laugh taking your life away.
A banner wrote:"The price to pay for safety is life"You sacrifice your life to be safe?what's the point in the 1st place?The price to pay for is death.
The only thing I regret in life is death.The only thing I regret in death,will be my life.
I think I'm trying to be rebellious?I dunno.not anymore...So many things I can't keep in my head..or they'll come crashing...Down there there'll be a different part of me waiting to explode and malfunction.

Have finally met my rifle.The gorgeous m16.The one Aya Brea used in the game parasite eve.Though long ranged,it's slow and clumsy for me..hope I get used to it.Or rather,it to me.
People always treat rifles like their wives.give them names whatsoever.I couldn't think of one.I mean,you,being a guy,brings his wife to battle,puts her butt on the floor,lets other people teach u how to handle,places her in storage when u dun need her,then send her off to some wife care centre at night?I'd rather treat that as a buddy.Anyway,I came up with the name Morrigan.Celtic goddess of war and death,who travels to the underworld and back.Hope my respects and hard work pay off during range tests.Blessed be

Great..I'm losing to myself now..the 9 of swords depicts a waking problem but I can't find a way to smooth things.Somewhere deep inside I'm losing myself,my senses.When it's time to book out the smile just doesn't come.I dun look forward to it..nor do I look back.Come to think of it if I ever have to be disrupted from ns and go back to where I was...I dunno where to go now..Lost at the cross roads..The instructors thought book out day be a great motivating factor for us.And today ended up in lots of stressful activities.It somehow drains away my feelings..no room to feel a thing...Someway or another the instructors somehow have a distance between them and us.It's their duty.Their job.Even if embarassed they have to keep their cool.Sometimes,I thought they felt lonely.Esp PC.

suddenly I realised there's someone worth pushing for..even though we're still strangers.

BMT starts and so is the fear and terror...I'm not quite used to it yet..anyway we're asked to write some reflection on our PTP by sgt darryl...dunno what to write..but I suppose I can't make it too pessimistic or else they'd think I was the one who wrote that he wanted to kill himself but can't on the huge poster our OC asked us to post our thoughts..I won;t kill myself I guess..I won't wanna lose...to me

Meanwhile I'm desperately lookin for ayumi's first 7 singles:trust.poker face.whatever.to be.for my dear.you.and depend on you. pls help me find when u all go cd shops ar..i've got 21 of ayumi's singles..got 9 more to complete the set of 30..but hard to find the older ones.The other 2 is voyage and forgiveness

Everything bleeds....

Original Sin

Just watched Passion of the Christ tonight with Tudi and Rach.Thanks for the invite^^
Well actually that show made me cry a few times..not cos of JC being whipped and lashed..when the scenes of Mary appeared watching her son in tears,doin what she can for him but still powerless to save him from death,the tears just run...It made me think of my mum...people live to hurt each other..I dun wanna ever make her see me sad,hurt,in despair..she'll be sad.and the more i'll be.Even if it hurts me to see her get old I'll do what I can to achieve what I can..too much freedom for me in the past,made me too lost to decide my future..now only to realise it too late.I'll just come back and throw my ns stress back at tekong.I smile in front of her..dun wanna let her get worried.She once said "too bad mum cannot serve ns for u"that's more than enough to keep me going..Last time I used to think that I live for my parents.Be a good son and take care of them..Now it's still true..but there's a little part of me i forgot to put in.then there's this thing called love i've been trying to find

Back to the movie.I just thought that Satan and Jesus were never at war.It's the humans who are.They blame each other for the wrong beliefs.But have you ever wondered it's just us humans who are trying to dominate over one another?why can't religions just exist in peace..which part of the religious materials say you have to hate one another?The sin lies in humans.and so is grace.whatever you believe in dun make you any less sinful or more sinful at all.It's what lies in our hearts.

Current mood:nostalgic

Oh we danced para on the 2nd mix machine at MS today..long time no touch but it's really great to step on the machine again!cheers!