Yes Aphrodite...the goddess of love..how many men have fallen for her beauty just to get their hearts broken one by one?

Hee anyway today's cosplay event was great.Got a few praises on the costume and raised a bit of attention cos I'm cosplaying as Anji Mito from GGXX.There's another guy doing Anji too.But he's baring his upper half.Not me.I know my limits haha.Let's see...Kakashi asked me to join her GGXX grp for the competition but I guess everything's too late.Thanks for the compliments from her too.Then there's another guy who came up and said "nice fans" =)thanks..my efforts on that are not wasted.Some people wondered how i stuck his frames on my nose.Then I added blood halfway thru the event..an injured Anji.
Lots of people took pics,nice memories they're gonna be...
Weird..somehow thru all these para performance and cosplay..what do I get in the end?lots of memories yeah...but I dun wanna talk about all there to future generations when I'm old.I'd tell them how much I wished for these memories to be forever,how much I wished I could get them back.I can't.
I could finally get a load off my back.Now with nothing to rush,I'll just have to tune my feelings to my NS after the new year thingy.Suddenly so empty.
Haha anyway not to forget Lizz sorry I forgot to take pics with you in your "investment" send me pics next time k?

On my birthday today:17th dec.
My whole day's ruined...why do I feel like nothing when my manager and colleagues sang a happy birthday song with a surprise cake in for me?I'm only happy when that person sincerely wished me a happy birthday...i guess for that person to remember my birthdate would be the greatest joy..
I made 3 wishes.3 celebrations.Once at work,once with friends,once at home....all the wishes are the same wish.The same wish I made last year...but it has yet to be fufilled...how ironic.One year and the same wish..
Sometimes i wonder...is my birthday just another reason for celebration?is it just like a new year?or christmas?Is my birthday just an excuse for my friends to laugh about and enjoy themselves?I dun want that...But is guess not everyone sees it that way...To all those who really wished me the best,thank you to all...
But i just feel sad...I'd just like that person to be around me..so I wun be lost..At least i think i wun...
Had our training at marina sq..for the performance on sunday...everyone just let me found out
:I dun have leadership skills,I dun have communication skills,my music mixing sucks,i'm not worthy of respect,i feel like giving up.It's hard managing a 9 person team you know?and we have to be in the distraction of other people dancing beside us...haiz..
It's gonna be hard to have sweet dreams tonight...May Apollo and Aphrodite see my wishes thru...Thanks for being there^^
It's time I pick up my skills again...to return to that witches' path,to start things easy in motion.These few days the higher forces have been showing me stuff..scenes like inexpressible thoughts,emotions kept inside,waiting to burst out but just can't..Should I take some actions?I should express something I've been longing to say...I'll just have to...

my mind hurt
my body hurt
argh,.,
then k box nvr called me up again..me not selected into the comp
Yeah cos i was working and when i was selected and got their call,i was working and couldn't pick it up.Twice.later i called them they said contestants were chosen at random.what damn luck.Should have listened to my divination and quit this job much earlier.
Pissed my tudi off when i got late 1 1/2 hrs at bugis today.what a sucky shifu i am.always late...how am i going to survive ns.my television got spoilt.whole screen become purple.i suppose it;s a better colour then monochrome huh?My arm hurts....my heart's in ruins,and i can still taste blood on my tongue cos i bit it just now.Devastation...

Friday.

I can't even remember from which point in time that I started taking precautions against fellow human beings.From the point when I have that social phobia?Where is the past me whom everyone takes care of?Where is the past me when everybody seems to be such good angels with everlasting hapiness?Since when did I discover that angels aren't as clear cut as diamonds?Since when did I know that they bring tears and anger?Betrayal?Why am I betrayed?Maybe if I took everybody to be those evil angels I'd be safe...At least I know I've taken precautions from their attacks.Dee randomly said today "why do u have to think such complex thoughts when in fact something is so simple?"I was caught by that statement...Why do I pay all my wrongs with vengence?It's natural right?If someone slashes u in the back you'd turn around to find out who,then hit him back with all you've got isn't it?
People think I'm real decent and I like listening and follow instructions without fighting back.Even if i dun like the suggestions...Everything ends no where if I insist on my opinion and the other party insisting on his.So I'd keep everything inside...Now I'm losing control of things..internally yes.But in reality my negativity influences everyone.Even my peaceful manager gets all the bad moods...Well at least I played my part.Unreasonable guy...to think that he's even the brother of Cheryl Fox.Old fashioned self assuming sarcastic idiot...
Anyway...guess it's time for Richard to change his skin.I can't be that soft fluffy lamb anymore..I'll be the hound that bites....

Was hoping for someone's appearance today...so i gave up time to do my mixing for the para performance..he didn't appear...but i guess it's alright cos he said he was still deciding...but thing is i had to ask till late evening for that answer of not coming...well now i know the feeling of being "played out"...at least that's what he thinks this "last min nvr appear thing" to be...but played out is serious..maybe to him i didn't turn up for past meet ups cos i "played out" on him.i guess as much...some things can't really be explained in words...like the last time i didn't meet him for a photo taking session at orchard cos an uncle in clarke quay didn't wanna sell me something.Hah...sick?turning down a meeting cos of this?How can i take pics with them when i've totally clashed my mood?sulk?maybe i should turn up and show him my pathetic state...things would be easier...Hmm why my mood clashed with that uncle not selling me that toy?It's one of those incidents that happen that triggers past memories that u dun wanna face...some emotion u dun wanna feel again....it's a big deal...maybe i'm a nuts...
well...actually tot he had the intention to "play me out" back...maybe i should consult the tarot?well...what if it's yes?i'd have been disappointed...if no?well..i'd be glad of course...but i dun dare to take the risk...i dun wanna lose my temper
I've realised that that anger i always experience would actually take control of reality..and take vengence..but it's that anger i just can't control...

man...do i need a healing session....