Bedok.That place I went today on this Tuesday.Never did quite remember since which incidents that the place has become a place of sadness and sorrow.But it's kinda expected before I even went.Just that the memories just couldn't help gushing in.Almost drove my tears down.Didn't even have the mood to touch the arcade games.That arcade we used to play in a couple of decembers ago,that kfc we dined in,the place outside the arcade and talked about everything.That macdonalds we visited as a group.The ntuc I used to go to with my family.That building beside it's Davey's residence I realised.Those times I know can never come back.They'll only remain as memories till eternity.Alley and Lionel the bedokers are in NS now.It's time for me to take a step into the next phase of life.After NS.I'll be hanging around till my enlistment.Hope I have enough courage to give my past a sincere mourning.I'd like to meet everyone again someday in the next phase.Wonder if things would be the same.The next winter's gonna come again.Will we still remember our joys and anger?Will we still be the same as before?Will I still have the power to resist my lover,Death?

Alley's gonna go ns tmr.Me?Maybe in a couple of months' time.Really do hope he's alright in there.Come to think of it we've been friends for so long.All those happy times,angry times,sad times...together.He's like already a part of my life somehow.Wonder how things will be without him around us.I guess fear and nervous and sadness and some confusion all mixed into one is what one usually feels before being under control of the military for 2 and a 1/2 years.Sad.Sometimes it makes me wonder are we born into this web a guy called government sets and we live under his clutches all our lives?The laws.The taxes squeezed from us.Not to mention control by implementing taxes on cigarettes or encouraging marriage by lowering rates for housing applications.Guess all NS guys could look for is to go out and have fun for the weekend,catch up on the latest gossips,and talk about the outside world once they get back.Stuff like Jolin's new album just got released,and their first time using Ez-link cards on a bus,even about how nice the newest movie was.Stuff like that becomes something rare and enjoyable.But it's a great way of escaping too.To go NS and forget about the outside world.To forget about that breaking family for some ppl.Forget about how they were laughed at,how their girlfriends abandon them.Whatever it is,I wish Alley all the best man!!Hope we'll all come out to be great gentlemen.Gonna miss ya!!

In Jay Chou's song "coward" mentioned about the beauty of animals killing each other and the scent of decay...and the lyrics are written by him.To think of it,the darker side,the thrill of seeing blood spills and painful moans from dying animals really exist in a part of us.That part of you where you'd be tempted to bite into a chicken drumstick suddenly without knowing why.That meat crave.You could even visualise biting into the flesh of those teeth torn cattles.See..when I think too much I feel like biting into something again.Loving decay and rot is something not everyone likes.Maybe it's a style ppl pick up to shape their characters.For me?It depends what they appear on.Maybe on corpses.Meat.Flesh.No dun start wondering...I dun eat humans.-_-Maybe I can suck blood and enjoy that rich iron taste and pulses of life that flows down my throat.If you ask me if I'd like to be a vampire...heee guess I dun have to tell u my answer.

If only I could know her in some other ways we could've been good friends.Such character and discipline in a girl.She never is the ordinary.Going out with guy friends,wearing the eye catching statements and looking cool and mysterious.But she's really friendly when you talk to her.Maybe that's a similarity.Though Im not that friendly.I appear cold and unapproachable on the surface too I guess.She dresses nice too.Even on the streets she's full of art haha.Guess it's kinda sad.Not that I fell for her or something.But something tells me we'd be great together even as friends.King of fighters expert,and the centre of attraction to guys.Cosplaying,gothic lolita and visual Kei attractions.Shall I change my destiny?Maybe I can.But the armor I've set I cannot remove.I can only try.If you know her name,yup she's that flower^^

Last last Sunday I went out with tudi and there was this old lady i remember...the mrt was packed and he was telling me hey give up your seat to her.But I just couldn't.How useless eh?Not that I care so much about sitting.Just that if I do stand up the whole mrt would think oh I'm such a good boy and turn all eyes on me.Isn't it worse?Maybe I fear everything.But it's time I should learn to stand my ground.Being good never gets its rewards.Being evil gives you the best situations...not that I do everything on purpose...

I have lost eh?losing my cool over a girl.But anger gives your energy.At least I know where to direct it.Up her nose that is.Maybe sometime I'll blow my top but not now.not yet.I'll tolerate her thirst for control and leadership.She's not up to the standard.Well almost got into quarrel but i gave way today.21 bfs?i mean isn;t her life in a mess?But that makes her easy to read.She can't live without feeling valued.The value she derives from her 21 bfs.Cos it makes her feel like a diamond of course.Trying to prove she's powerful?Just find some way to make her feel worthless and she'll suffer hell haha.Time for planning eh..


(actually i wrote these 2 entries in 2 diff days)

One thing I dun like is feminine tantrums.I have this female supervisor transferred to work here and all she can do is to use her feminine powers and order ppl ard when she's damn lazy like what Wun Neng or BaJie used to be.Had 21 bfs?She calls that little.I call that bitchy.Hate her touchy hands crawling all over...She's bitch of the century.She got a dumb look.=P When people use feminine actions on me and act like they've got so much power I'll get pissed off.Not that I hate feminity but it's that sort of feeling that makes guys wanna say "okok u win" and give in.Isn't life unfair?I just can't stand that feminine ruckuss if you dun do what they requested.Eh guess I'm being unexpressive here...Just wanted to say that why can't people do things themselves when they can settle them with their own hands?!?!Maybe I'll chop off hers=P

One thing I dun like is feminine tantrums.I have this female supervisor transferred to work here and all she can do is to use her feminine powers and order ppl ard when she's damn lazy like what Wun Neng or BaJie used to be.Had 21 bfs?She calls that little.I call that bitchy.Hate her touchy hands crawling all over...She's bitch of the century.She got a dumb look.=P When people use feminine actions on me and act like they've got so much power I'll get pissed off.Not that I hate feminity but it's that sort of feeling that makes guys wanna say "okok u win" and give in.Isn't life unfair?I just can't stand that feminine ruckuss if you dun do what they requested.Eh guess I'm being unexpressive here...Just wanted to say that why can't people do things themselves when they can settle them with their own hands?!?!Maybe I'll chop off hers=P

Davey.That huge guy who works in the kitchen.Guess no one there can match his strength.But he hides it well.Though I dun speak to him much,we're similar in ways.I guess he knows that too.The way that u know you wanna talk to someone and make friends and u realise that u have a phobia preventing u from getting close.Social phobia.Maybe not much people can see thru me.But I wun talk to ppl usually unless they talk to me first.I'm trying hard to kill that fear.But he's more obvious than I am.Hmmm dark,tanned,glasses-I guess that's what make the girls think he's cute.If only I had a brother like him.Always looking after us in his own ways.Like helping with the carrying of stuff and he never scolds like the other staff.He guards his temper well.But he guards his soul with such force,no one knows what he's thinking.Only a flare for wrestling and weight training i guess.The knight that guards his earth as well as its dwellers.Maybe I should learn more from him.

Thanks for making me your pillar of support.Thanks for making me a friend.Thanks for the help you've given.Thanks for being there for me.I have to be strong.When you need me I'll be there.When a tower has been blown flat it can't go anywhere but up.Thanks for leaning upon my shoulders.Thanks for askling for my opinions.Even when I can't stand on my feet,I'd like you to go on.Thanks for rebuilding my faith in life.Thank god Apollo.Thank you Athena,Aphrodite.Thanks guardian.Thanks to YOU everyone.^^

Life's full of problems and sorrow.It's only a choice of living and fight your sorrows or give up life and stay without worries.I,in some point in time did think over this question.But with sorrow comes happiness and joy.I guess it's the rule that applies to all things in life.The things that are most important to you are the things that bring the greatest sorrows.Not many people will know what I mean unless you've been thru all these.I guess all humans could learn is to enjoy happiness and fight sorrow at the same time.Fight.Without fear.Overcoming fear is hard but there is hardly any choice.Destiny is one thing we can shape.But fate can't be altered.Fate is "what is"Destiny is "what will be".But if you dun follow destiny and try to change it,you'd have to be responsible for the outcome.

To the friends that are by my side and to those who were,it has been long.Time is the essence that keeps us apart in the future.If I were to reach that future,if the future were to become my past,would you...would you still be by my side?I had some affinity with indonesian classmates and got rather close.That distance is so close,just like a sibling.The first one in primary school,the second in secondary.I can even remember out those times where we hang around arcades,go to school and home together.Cos they lived near my old flat unit with their guardians.Just into that river path along broadrick sec.Hansen and I lost contact ever since the end of school days.As for Didik?He went abroad for studies when I last heard of him..but he did call me like 1 year back.Before I changed my number.Damn.Now even thru some secondary friends I called thru,I haven't been able to get anything.I missed him though.Maybe this is gonna happen again to you guys reading this...I dun wanna miss you guys..It's too tired...Hee and thanks too to everyone by my side.